I am an 18 year old woman, and despite many male advances, I have never been kissed. I have never had a boyfriend, been on a date, or even let a guy hold my hand. There is no doubt that I’m straight, but when I’m attracted to man, I feel a tremendous amount of embarrassment . I assume that he would never be interested in me. I never tell anyone when I have a crush for this reason. It’s more than saving face; it’s a rush of anxiety. My lack of experience itself doesn’t concern me, but I am worried that it is connected to deeper emotional trauma.

I have daddy issues. My memory draws back to age 2, and even as a toddler, daddy issues checkered my existence. He is emotionally disconnected, insensitive, cold, and frankly, his family is the last priority in his life. From my childhood to the woes of middle school, he walked away when I needed (and even craved) him. I tried to please him in every way possible and even reasoned out his behavior and feelings. I finally arrived at closure at 15 when I decided to accept that he would never be the dad who sweeps his daughter into his arms or even the one who yells at her because he loves his little girl so much. No, he was the type to ignore. I granted myself closure on his shortcomings only to have him rip it all open.

My father was forced to resign from his job of 13 years because he had failed to cultivate a single connection in that place. He hastily accepted a job 6 hours away without even consulting my mom (he told her with a post-it on their bathroom mirror). Although he continued to support us financially (despite accepting 0 pay for 2 months of employment), we rarely saw him during that year. His absence, though not grieved, engendered a sea of problems (including my mother failing nursing school by 2 points, me being beaten and consequently crashing my car, my younger brother starting a fire ina stance of rebellion, etc) He refuses to admit that he abandoned us. Worse yet, we are so destitute that we can no longer afford our home. With no prospects, my family is forced to move to my father’s town. I, having graduated from high school and attending college in the fall, am safe, but my dad is ruining my mother and siblings’ lives.

The emotional toll of being is daughter is daunting, and I know that he won’t be a part of my adult life. I don’t hate him, and I sincerely hope he is happy. However, his emotion ineptitude and negative presence will prevent me from being happy. I’m at peace with this decision. However, I ponder whether my lack of a strong (or really any) male figure in my life has impeded my ability to interact with men. I wonder if I avoid them subconsciously to avoid subjecting myself to the same agony I’ve experienced with my father.All of the friends I discuss this with suggest that I seek counseling to reconcile my daddy issues.

What are your thoughts on this?
Has my Electra complex impacted my ability to date or even look at men?
Hahaha, yes, I am 18. I swear! I appreciate that my vocabulary and sentiments have impressed you. Thanks for the compliment, but I am 18.

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