Im 18 and until i was 5 when my parents divorced I was such a daddys girl and he was the best most doting dad! He left for another woman who already had two kids a similar age to me, when he went he took a bunch of my belongings while i was out and gave them to the other kids as gifts.

He’d promise my Mum he’d pick me up to see me or take me to his house every other weekend but either didn’t show up or parked in the drive and went to see his friend next door instead, and when i knocked on the door to see him he’d shout to me to wait and he’d be around soon, so i’d sit on the windowsill waiting and watch him just drive off. The rare times he did arrive he’d be so nice to me in the car journey to his (like 40mins drive) and as soon as we got there i’d be sent upstairs or in the garden with the other kids to play, we weren’t allowed to be in the way of him and his new partner.

So as I grew up this took it’s toll on my self esteem A LOT and i’ve had trouble with mental health to this day. Now he’s in a different relationship, and when I was 14 his new girlfriend was always inviting me over and we got on really well and i thought it would all look up but it hasn’t really. He has a very good job, lives in a 7 bedroomed house in one of the best estates of the country and never paid a penny for me until like a year ago because he was threatened to go to prison for it by the CSA.

When I was 8 I was in hospital really poorly and when my Mum phoned him crying and asking him to come visit he said he ‘had better things to do.’

He never invites me over and when I ask he’ll ignore me or say he’s got too much work to do but it’s not like im still a child and need entertaining i just want to see him! Twice in my life he’s told me how much he ‘loves me’ and that im his baby girl and his number one in life blah di blah but he has been drunk when he says it. He knows how I feel about it all i’ve told him a million times. I know I’m 18 and i dont NEED his love or anything but i think it’s just human instinct to long for him, I CAN’T STOP IT! I hate it! A few months ago I decided to just block him from my life, but its so hard. He text me this week saying he hopes im ok and im such a sucker i text him back but just saying I am. I really really want him just out of my life to not exist so i dont feel like this but im close to my uncle (his brother) and my grandparents on his side who are constantly talking about him and if i go see them he shows up at theirs sometimes so there’s no escaping! Im so sorry about this rant but im sooooo frustrated! How do I move on when it’s sooo hard! I know he hates me, im not good enough for him, but thats his fault for making me this way! If he hates me SO much though why does he randomly text me after a couple of months? It’s like he does it on purpose to get at me or something GRRRR!

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