Open Question: Everyone says that the first few years of marriage are the hardest, did you get through hard times?

31/08/09

My husband and I have been married since October 2008. Recently things have gone down hill drastically. He has 2 children from a previous relationship I have 1. Over the past few months we due to special holiday birthday weekends we have had the kids every weekend, whereas usually we would have kids 1 weekend then it would just be us the next. I feel that these weekends are crutial to our relationship. People who don’t have kids before they get married have a couple of years to focus on nothing but their relationship, where we will never have the luxury of years. We will always have kids who come first. I need those 4 days a month to connect with my husband on a husband/wife level, not just a mom/dad level.
On the first weekend that we would have gotten to spend just the 2 of us in months, he made plans to go up to my family’s property with his brother. I was really hurt by this, but I tried not to make a big deal of it because he promised that we would have some time 2 weekends from then.
When he got back from his trip with his brother we took the kids up to my family’s beach house for a big week long family gathering. The 2nd night we were there he was sitting down by the fire getting drunk with my uncle. At 3:30am I asked him to please come to bed, because we had a day trip planned for the next day with my cousins and their kids. He proceded to call me every name in the book. Then tried to leave. I took his keys because he was way too drunk to drive. He pushed me around for a while then managed to start his truck anyway and leave.
Just near sun up, he woke me up screaming for his keys, again cussing me out and degreading me. I was sleeping in a room with our boys, who were on an air mattress on the floor. He scared the crap out of both of them. He packed his stuff and whem his son woke up he took him left. But before that he was yelling at me in the driveway my mother came out he ended up cussing her out as well. It was really bad.
I waited 2 days for him to cool down. My son stayed at the house with my parents I came home to acess the situation. He seemed OK when I got here. His brother had been staying here while we were gone to take care of our pets, and when my hubby came home early, his brother left his playstation here for my husband’s son to play. So about an hour or so after I arrived at our house, he left to take his brother his game system back. He has now been gone for over 4 hours. When I called to ask him what was up remind him that I just drove 5 hours home to try to talk things out, he hung up on me. I called back later he said he thought I was getting an attitude with him. WTF, an attitude? We’re not 16.
He began talking about my Mom, saying all kinds of horrible things about her, like all out problem are because of her. Like if he points the finger somewhere else he won’t have to face his own issues.
I don’t understand how someone can claim to love me so much, but then not care about my feelings in the least.
My family has always stood by me, thought everything. They have always been very good to me sometimes I think he may have married me just because it made his life easier. My parents bought me a house about 5 years ago so we don’t have a mortgage. We both work for my family. My mother paid for his truck repairs when it broke down. They paid for our wedding our trip to Vegas. THey have helped us more times than I can count. I can;t shake this feeling that he doesn’t really love me, just what being my husband would gain him.
Don’t get me wrong, we do have good times. But the bad times are REALLY bad. He doesn;t seem to care about my feeling at all. He wants to do exactly what he wants all the time and if I want him to do anything else he sees it like I’m trying to get him to bow down to me, which isn;t the case at all. I love my husband more than I can describe, and I’m worried that I saw love because that’s what I wanted to see. Like I wanted it to be true so badly tha I made my self see something that wasn’t really there.
I know this is really long, so I guess I should get to my question.
I know they say that the 1st few years of marriage are the hardest. Have any of you gone through the hard times made it out the other side? Has anyone gone through anything like this and still had a sucessful marriage? Am I just deluding myself that it’s possible?
Please help. I’m so sad.

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