Open Question: How Can I Stop My Son From Ruining His Life? I Really Need Any Sort of Advice, Please!?

26/01/12

Hello, I’m just a mother in dire need of any advice anyone could give me, I’ve thought about everything and I can’t find a solution.

Well to get to my question. My son is 32 years old and he has always been a bit rebellious, he never wanted to do his schoolwork, he never had friends until middle school and when he did they were the wrong type of friends, like the type of people that smoke (including pot) have long hair, drink, skip school, wear black clothing, and when this happened I thought it was just a phase, which it was, but the wrong type of friends remained, I just don’t know why, but throughout high school Jake just did not do his school work did not study and just kept partying, showing up drunk at home, smoking pot, bringing girls home and actually sleeping with them in our home, that we didn’t know what to do, we just kept hoping it was a phase until he dropped out of high school when he was 20 (yes he was still in high school at 20 he practically left because they told him that at 21 he was getting kicked out and he was still in 10th grade).

Ok so jumping a few years ahead, he lived with us at the time, and lived in a lot of luxury, my husband and I have quite a bit of money and we always gave him everything, but my husband is different minded than me, he was very poor when he grew up so when my son started acting like this he wanted to kick him out, but I prevented him from doing it, it was all so hard for me especially since about 10 years earlier my other son died in a skateboarding accident and Jake was now my only son and the worst part was that at the time Jake was dating this woman that I really hated and she ended up overdosing on heroin, while my son was in the room. This really devastated him and he started drinking heavily after this.

So, anyway about 3 years ago, after years of enduring Jake’s drinking “incidents” and him just leeching of us without getting a job, it started to get worse, there were incidents everyday, the police were called and he was just ruining our lives, so during one of the incidents, I told him something horrible, to this day I can’t believe that as a mother I said this to my son, but I told him that I wished it had been him that died. When I said this, he just looked at me started crying and left the house, I thought he would be back the next day as always but he wasn’t, a few days later a moving truck came for his stuff and he called me and told me that he wasn’t ever coming back and we got what we wanted.

I started getting really worried and depressed so I hired this woman who used to work for my husband that had a military background to try to keep an eye on him without intervening, I thought it would be temporary, but Jake never came back, the woman I hired (without even telling my husband) just kept telling me that he was on the streets for a few days and then he rented an apartment, but a few months later he got kicked out of there for not being able to pay rent and I tried reaching out to him getting him to come back and he didn’t.

Anyway for the past year he has lived with this woman that he knew in high school and her husband, it is so sad to see him like that, having other people support him. Additionally, the woman I hired told me that he is drinking all day and walking around by himself at night drunk with a liquor bottle and crying. She even took pictures and they made me feel so depressed, now I have a drinking problem, I want him to come back and live with us, but he won’t even take my calls and now I hate my husband because when I told him about it he said he was much happier without Jake.

The reason I’m asking this question now is that about 2 weeks ago my son almost died, had it not been for the woman I hired to keep an eye on him he would have died. So what happened was that he was on his usual drunken night walks and he went into the forest, now I’ve always told the woman I hired to never let him see her no matter what but just follow him, but during his walk in the woods she said he started vomiting and passed out, so after waiting a while she carried him back to her car and took him to the hospital. He had alcohol poisoning! he almost died! he’s back with his friends now but I’m so worried that he’ll die one of these days!

How can I help him or get through to him? I just want him to move back in with us! Now this is hurting me! I’m drinking almost as much as I assume he drinks everyday!

Please give me some advice, I beg you.

By the way- if this is too long for you or you want to make fun of me don’t bother answering.

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