For starters I am a 28 y/o mother, and I do not live with my dad. But the last 2 years my dad has been through a lot with my mom divorcing him for another guy (who is equally a jerk) and then having angioplasty from peripheral artery disease (caused by his risk factor of smoking which he hasn’t quit). So I’ve been there for him a lot, for a long while I’d spend the night every other weekend with my daughter with her getting bored there and doing it all to keep him company and make him feel better. well now that he’s kind of getting back on track he’s been really rude to me lately and not just me but my brother and other ppl too. His coworkers dislike him as he’s always telling me about them and now I see why.
On Christmas day for example we went down to see my brother about 2 hrs away (he came down for thanksgiving) and his 2 kids and wife. My dad was grouchy the whole time and snapped at us at different times. When my partner did something that irritated me I exchanged a glance with my dad, who always gets these inside glances and used to encourage them, and he said “don’t look at me for affirmation”. what??
Then tonight he invited himself over and we had mutually agreed to return the bike my dad got for my daughter for christmas and exchange for a smaller one. We did and then he was suddenly very hungry and drove to mcdonald’s. Now I didn’t want or need anything, but he knows i’m really broke (and how mcdonald’s is a luxury for me lol since i can never afford fast food anymore) and he didn’t offer me anything. He said grumpily “I know you ate but I didn’t”. Then he wanted to eat it in the parking lot and I told him I’d like to get home as it was getting late and my 3 y/o daughter was at home with her father, and she is used to me putting her to bed (not fair I know but it’s just how it is). He said “he (about my partner) can watch her for 1 min” sarcastically and then decided to eat in front of my apartment instead. It’s not so much I wanted to relieve my partner of caring for my daughter as he’s her father, but it’s just rude that my dad would make me sit there and watch him eat as well IMO. So then we got to my apt complex and he is chowing down on the food. I said “did you want to come up again?” and he said “don’t bug me, I’m eating”. Then when we got out of the car I was getting out this heavy bike in a box and my dad said “don’t scratch my car” without even offering to help me. He has gotten over a broken foot and he is 60 but usually he at least pretends he’ll help me…this was all grumpy and all about his car which isn’t even that nice.
So as we were walking, he had the nerve to make a sarcastic passive aggressive joke (half serious joke btw) that I was “crabby” or “crabbatha”. I said “what?” and then I said, “you know what? you can just go home then” and he began to walk to his car, cane in tow. Then I said “no I’m sorry” and he followed me back in.
My dad has done a lot for me financially such as buying my daughter that bike as an xmas gift (he says he WANTED to) and also helping me out in different ways like paying for certain fees etc. now and then (he offers, I don’t ask). I do appreciate that, but I am still bothered by this behavior.
I have a couple theories over why he is suddenly acting this way again (as he did many years ago while with my mom that I’d forgotten about but now remember) . One is I’m not married to my daughter’s father and we don’t plan on it for various reasons…he has always pushed for that. (I actually might be leaving him soon but that’s a different story). Another is bc he’s slowly getting over my mom he’s slowly getting his confidence back, which means he thinks he can act how he wants to.
How should I deal with this behavior from my dad? do you think he’s rude? How would you deal with it?
Also he wants me over there for new year’s eve he INVITED us and I suggested crackers and cheese as a small “party o’deurve” and he said “I’m assuming I have to pay for it” when he knows our financial situation that our partner just lost his job etc.
dr. insanity: I’m sorry but I digress. I don’t think age should affect how people are “allowed” to treat others.

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