I look back on our relationship in the past year or so and from everything I’ve read about and watched around me, it hasn’t been easy. I guess no marriage really is. But I miss the chances to share true happiness with my wife. See the problem is that she is very hard to satisfy and has come from a broken home. She’s had a hard life - no doubt about that.

On the other hand, I had a very comfortable life living with my parents, studying a uni degree, working part time and enjoying all the luxuries of life. My parents bought me a lot and supported me so much. Her parents were born into poverty - which is usually the case for most Chinese families struggling in the middle of China.

Her parents had a very troubled marriage and there has been a major rift in the larger family. Her mother used to put her down and compare her to other family members of her age and force her to study hard etc. Her parents’ relationship was strained - he would be physically violent and she would throw a lot of verbal abuse around. Their poverty was accentuated by the fact that her mother couldn’t accept a large monetary gift left to her in her father’s will. She gave the money away to her brother instead… why is beyond me and not for me to say.

Anyway, all I see is my wife going out working so damn hard every single day to earn the money to buy her parents a house. It’s killing me. I can’t contribute because I need to sponsor her, pay the bills (rent, food, health insurance, car etc etc), pay off my student loan, repay some money I borrowed from my parents, save for a house deposit and put away money for an emergency.

Anyway, I am really craving a better relationship! I understand all of the pressure that my wife feels. I’m also in the same boat but her job is amongst one of the most challenging - esp. for her circumstances. Being a guide isn’t easy when you need to learn the language, history and culture of a foreign country so she’s doing quite well (esp. after the loss of her grandmother).

I’ve been kicked out to the couch for my new job because I will probably have to work until midnight or later. That will interfere with her sleep and her job. How do shift workers manage with their spouses in this kind of situation? I’m taking the job because I need one ASAP. We have just arrived back from China and i need to show I can sponsor her. The employer is looking to train the right person for a 2IC department role which will see me change to day work It’s fair for me to sleep outside to keep the peace when she’s working. At least we will still be under the same roof.

We are only 2 weeks away from our marriage! But we are so focused on jobs, that we haven’t given each other much time. I knew that would happen as we need to get setup as quickly as we can. Once we both have good, stable jobs we are going to move out of our share house and into an apartment by ourselves. I think that would be better.

So many times we have arguments and look at each other like we are enemies! Not a good start to things at all. I want to surprise her with something small tonight just to regain the happiness. I hear of all these great romantic stories online but I never see guys doing that :-/ guess I’m in the minority who want to woo their partner more often eh?

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