I’m looking for advice and/or personal experiences dealing with the topic of serve child abuse, mental health and ‘where were you for all that time?’ (hospitalizations). I have been working towards a better life for my self since I was old enough to physically remove myself from my destructive and abusive childhood. I think under the circumstances I have done pretty well.

My step father was very violent towards my mother, my brother and myself. He also isolated us from people in this horrible house he built in the country (which he had designed to have adults living in one end and the children living in the other, he later moved us into the garage which was sickening). When my mother finally got the courage and means to leave him we spend the rest of my childhood in running from place to place. However he always found us and was obsessed with killing my mother. Despite restraining orders and keeping contact with the police he ended up hurting her pretty badly. Because of the backwards laws in Australia on domestic violence NOT being enforced as a serious crime he was never incarcerated. So he continued to hunt us and we continued to run. I went to about seven different schools during this time and had great gaps in my primary education.We did end up settling in a remote country that had very limited prospects for young people but I guess most people there had a ‘past’ so it was easier for us to hide what we had gone through.

After years of dealing with the divorce and custody battles, my mum mental health understandably declined. I was also dealing with issues relating to sexual abuse that I find to hard to talk about.

I made the most of our new environment and despite being so far from ideal it was better that anything I had experienced before. I finally had a chance to make good friends, have my own interests, do well at school, look towards a career after high school and develop my spirituality.

Sadly the pressure at home became immense and I just took its toll on me. I had become increasingly overly happy and became obsessed with my spirituality to the point I just lost touch with reality. A good friends’ parents took control and I spent time in an country hospital. Because it was in the aussie outback they didn’t have any psych facilities so I stayed the a few weeks until I had somewhat calmed down. Later I went into the worse depression imaginable and because I had limited knowledge on mental health, this lasted for many years untreated.

Since then my step father passed and my mother started to work on finding peace. She is still very unwell but I love her dearly and we have a healthy relationship.

I have worked hard at stabilizing my own mental heath with therapy and medication. I had a career in nursing then went on to study art (which I have always been passionate about). I meet my partner of over ten years and bought my first home.

However I did have a relapse in 2008 had ended up in hospital. They diagnosed my with major depression w/ psychosis (possible early schizophrenia) but some doctors believe its bipolar (im still only 28 years old so I don’t like focusing on diagnosis, more what treatments help me).

I do apologies for this question being so long, I have left out as much as I could. I guess its been cathartic to write this all down so thank you for reading.

So my question is more about moving on and having meaningful relationships with ‘normal’ people. Because I have worked hard at my education most of my friends are from comparatively healthy, emotionally and financially well adjusted backgrounds. I just don’t know many people who have messed up childhoods like mine that I can relate too. Its hard sometimes because when people ask about my past I have to leave out a great deal of detail to avoid questions. It can be very challenging to hind my past.

The majority of people I know would be horrified to learn what my life has been like. They don’t even know about my hospitalizations (I just went away for awhile interstate). I feel like if I would casually disclose anything it would just be like poison in their breathing space.

Does anyone else who has suffered abuse feel like this and if so how do you cope?

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