Voting Question: Is it strange to resent my mom for having married a guy who didn’t want children but had me anyway?

21/02/12

Not to get too involved in detail, my father and I aren’t much alike at all and he doesn’t respect me. I’m in my mid twenties and have supported myself through college, and I don’t rely on him but still there is something about me that he just hates. I have a lot of brothers and they all acknowledge there is something about how my dad treats me. My mom and my brothers are extremely close with me, and I have a lot of very close dear friends and a beautiful girlfriend. If it is something about my personality it is something I am totally unwilling to change. He and I are only alike in that we are honorable and try to treat other people well although I still think my father is crude and very ignorant in that he feels the world is in black and white. He never wanted to have children but he fell in love with my mom and they stupidly had a bunch of kids because she wanted them and he wanted her to be happy.

After years of trying to get his respect and being shut down and passively attacked I’ve naturally grown to hate him. I’m nice as hell to him, and never take advantage of him. It would be different if he treated all his kids this way, but I always feel singled out. I know it’s because I’m more of a free spirit, philosophical or artistic type of person, and I even try to be as serious and stern as I can when I’m around him so he doesn’t get the chance to slight me.

After hating your dad for such a long time it takes a toll on you, and eventually I just start to understand he isn’t in touch with his feelings. Even though I can’t ignore it, or forgive him, I at least understand it’s out of his control. He doesn’t directly do anything, but it’s obvious in strange subtle psychological ways he treats me in making me feel unwelcomed and unwanted. I feel like he tries to be nice to me but the core of him hates me.

Sometimes it feels like my dad thinks of me as someone his age he just naturally doesn’t like but needs to get along with. He’s immature, but responsible at the same time. He gets his shit taken care of, which I respect, but he acts like a teenager.

So now that I’ve pretty much categorized my thoughts and feelings toward my dad… Lately I’ve been feeling resentful toward my mother because she is a smart woman and very in touch with her feelings, and she always sympathizes with me when I express how I feel. She takes my side 95% of the time, but now I am starting to realize she is in control of the situation as I am. I know humans are stupid and we follow our hearts sometimes, but she knows how much this hurts my life and it’s all because she wanted children and made a stupid decision to have me with this guy. They are still married and she hates how rude he can be toward people, but she also understands that he just doesn’t get certain things about the world. The guy can work huge crews on big projects but he is socially retarded. Lately I’ve been getting irrationally upset at my mom for sympathizing with me yet never having once changed our situation in life. My mom knows what is going on, knows how I feel, knows what kind of idiot my dad is, but just tonight she told me “What am I supposed to do revolve my life around my kids and be alone forever?”. I know she needs to have her own life too, but you should hear how she talks about him. She never thinks of him in an endearing way, she even kind of resents him. The only joy she ever gets from him is that they both laugh together because he says sarcastic things that can be funny. If I liked him I might even level with his humor. I can’t even fucking visit my mom, she always has to come see my girlfriend and I, because I hate being around my dad so much. I know I am not seeing things clearly because I’ve been clouded with this problem for years but I guess that’s why I’m randomly asking people on yahoo answers. What do you think about my situation specifically or generally? Is it strange I’m kind of resenting my mom lately?

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